How can I explain?
All week, we've talked with Audrey about Christ's death and resurrection. Not that we don't usually, because it's a theme in our house. But this week, we wanted to build proper anticipation of Easter. In a week that seems like it's more about a new dress, egg hunts, bunnies, and chocolate, I wanted Audrey to grasp the real meaning of the week. I hoped the inundation of the stories through church and home, would take deeper root in her heart. I had hoped and prayed that somehow, even if it were just from the extra emotion in our voices, this past week would move her.
We did the resurrection eggs at our house. I'm a big fan of those. I used them when I taught school, before Audrey was born. Audrey was so stoked each day to see what piece of the story lay hidden in each egg. She can tell the story with amazing detail- the disciples, the last supper, Judas's betrayal, Jesus' prayer in the garden, His trial, death, resurrection, the stone, etc. But today, during school, I just kept trying to impart to her the fathomless love of our Lord. I just kept describing this LOVE and all it's practical meanings and about the tremendous implications it makes in our lives. But I felt so inadequate, so far from where I should be in my own walk with Christ, and so feeble to properly explain the love of Christ! But yet, I wanted to see her response to this love. I wanted her to know that we are not asked to respond to an emotional story. We are commanded to obey in scripture - to turn from our sin and obey.
Obviously, I cannot force such a decision upon her. And I know, that at 4, she is probably not mature enough to understand and respond to this call of obedience. But I want this fathomless love to be a theme in her life. I want her to see God in Doug and I. And I want her to make this critical decision while she is young and avoid a life of despair. I want her to enjoy the fellowship with Christ as soon as possible - to give Him glory now. But I must be patient. And I must be consistent. At times, my mind strays to a fear that she might not deny herself, take up her cross, and follow Him. It can literally make my stomach churn just at the thought. But again, I need to turn those fears into a resolute dependence on God for this work in her heart. I must work so hard to teach her and train her. What a weight upon me to train her up in the way she must go so that when she is old, she will not depart from it!
Oh dear Father - help me! Let not one opportunity to show her who you are escape from me. No matter how difficult, no matter how tired I am, no matter what, I want to display an accurate picture of you. Help me appeal to her conscience. Use me to convict her of sin. Use me to show her how to deny herself, take up her cross, and follow you. Help me explain your holiness and her sinfulness. Help me explain your grace. Help me obey you more. Help me to be salt and light. I do love her and it's hard to imagine that you love her even more.......
THIS FATHOMLESS LOVE
Lord, what moved Your heart to love lowly man
Before any star could herald Your praise?
And why did You come, abasing Yourself
Veiled in a robe of frail human clay?
Why would You, the pure, give Your life for the vile
The innocent seeking the guilty
To be reconciled?
I can’t comprehend this fathomless love
I’m gripped and amazed at what You have done
Why would the adored become the despised
To bear all the furious wrath that was mine?
How awesome this mystery
Of Your fathomless love for me
Why would You adopt and take as Your own
Those who had crushed Your one precious Son?
Why mercy and grace towards Your enemies?
Your name they have cursed and Your throne they have shunned
Oh, how could You choose to show kindness to these?
The ones who would mock You and hate You
The ones just like me?