Easter
We quietly celebrated Easter Sunday together as family. Audrey and I were under the weather, struggling with fevers, unable to attend church. The entire day bore an obviously sad awareness that on this memorable day, we could not attend church. However, in tandem with that sadness, Doug and I were keenly aware of the meaning of Easter. We spent time explaining to Audrey why we celebrate Easter. We never want to her to think the day is about a new beautiful dress or a basketful of candy. The day is to be celebrated with gratitude to our Lord and hope for what His resurrection does for us. He alone is to be magnified! Next year, we hope that we are all in good health. Doug and I have discussed so much how Christmas and Easter have totally lost their meaning and purpose for people – even for Christians. Halloween is now the most popular holiday, it would seem. Folks gloss over the significance of meaningful holiday and set their focus on loot. It’s all about, food, people, candy, gifts, shopping, sleeping in, etc. In an attempt to keep our hearts humbled by our God on His Easter and Christmas day, we’ve tried to be very deliberate in recreating the original intention of those days. Sometimes Doug and I wish there was no such thing as a Christmas tree. Instead, we wished we could hop in the car as a family, and make memories of choosing a beautiful nativity scene to display. We’d love to head home and spent our time setting up a massive set that reminds us of Christ’s birth. Instead of dwelling on the chaos of shopping for others and filling out the Christmas list, we’d be so enraptured by the greatest gift of all – God’s Son! And so it is with Easter. We’re not quite sure how to memorialize the day. We know we don’t want to be caught up with the fancy attire for church, foiled wrapped eggs in baskets, and a juicy ham for supper. We desire to spend our day in awe and gratitude for our Lord’s miraculous resurrection that allows us to worship the one true living God.
Audrey
Audrey has been growing much in height lately. Doug and I get quite a kick out of seeing her pants look shorter and shorter on her each week. She has not gained but an ounce or so over the last 6 months or so. So maybe we can hang on to winter’s pants and use them as the ever-so-fashionable capris! Her hair is growing, also. SLOWLY, but still growing! It’s funny to remember how while I was pregnant, everyone predicted I’d birth a baby with a full grown afro. Looking at my head of hair and Doug’s too, we expected no less!! How shocked were we when she was born with an almost bald head? Everyone assured me it would thicken up in no time. Not so much the case! It’s still pretty thin and wispy. I chuckle so often how she continues to not look like what I had expected.
Audrey’s vocabulary still continues to amaze everyone! That is, anyone who can converse with her for longer than 5 minutes. Goodness sakes, does this child talk! I’d bet almost everyday, Doug and I do a double-take and ask her again, “what did you say?” Then Doug and I look at each other and try to hide our laughter. I simply can’t express what a hoot this little girl is. At roughly 30 months, Audrey one day was trying to tell me something that I perceived as negative. When I asked her to clarify herself, she says to me, “mom, no offense. I’m just saying…..”. Yeah- only 2 ½ this child!!
As we strive to teach Audrey about God and what He requires from her, we find many moments that encourage our hearts that we are getting through to her. Two weeks ago she had a day where she struggled greatly with some fairly wretched behavior. She had been reprimanded many times regarding the same offense. Finally, in a desperate frustration with herself she says to us, “ I know you keep telling me not to run and jump on this bed, but I just keep wanting to run and jump on this bed. I should obey, but I just keep running and disobeying. So, I’m going to stop and pray and ask God to help me obey and stop running and obey because I just keep wanting to run.” She headed into her room, and bowed her head and prayed a little prayer full of pleading to obey. Doug and I could hear her prayer through the monitor and we just looked at each other get all choked up!
Some days it seems we spend the entire day telling her ‘no’, ‘stop’, ‘you can’t do that’, etc. Occasionally I have days where I can hardly get out of my pajamas because I’m hot on her heels the entire day, constantly explaining what scripture says about her bad behavior and showing her what God demands. There are days I wrestle with discouragement and wonder if she’ll ever get it. But, it’s a great thing that scripture reminds me to not grow weary in well doing. There are even days that I thank Him for not giving me another child right now so that I may devote my time and efforts to the one I have! I strive to remind myself that I need to diligent with the gifts that God has given me. Audrey is definitely a HUGE gift. Dedicating all my time to ensure she sees Christ in me in hardly enough in my attempts to thank God for this little miracle He placed in my life. I’m always able to quickly recall my life before I had Audrey and stay focused on knowledge that she is so worth all the trouble!!
I often ponder on some verses in Psalm 127. “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one’s youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them.” Although my quiver is not as full as Doug and I would like it to be, we must remember that she is reward in which we are to be happy with. And, if I only have one, I better make absolutely certain that my arrow is a sharp one!! She is worth my time, my tears, my troubles.
Audrey still loves books and cooking more than anything! She can still read books for HOURS! She can be quite persuasive with getting people to read her books. “Just this last book, this little short book!!” She is the only two year old I know who is well acquainted with all the chefs on Food Network. Several months ago we passed a book display in the store and she yells out excitedly, “Look, it’s Ina Garten, Rachael Ray, and Giada!” You should have seen the looks she got from the other shocked shoppers. Last week, while meeting a doctor of mine, Audrey asks this lady, “Did you happen to see Paula Deen yesterday? She was making Chocolate Pudding Cake and it sure looked good!”
Bec
I’ve been struggling with flare-ups lately with my Fibromyalgia and other mysterious illnesses. This past November brought, on my birthday, my 5th surgery for Endometriosis and ovarian cysts. Healing from this surgery was much harder and had me basically bedridden into the first part of January. My birthday, Thanksgiving, and Christmas were anything but holidays filled with merriment!! Shoot, I hardly even remember them! In late January I had knee surgery to fix a problem I’ve struggled with since about age 10. I assumed it would be a breeze, or at least much better than my usual abdominal surgery I’ve become so well accustomed to. Not so much the case, though! In fact, here I am almost 12 weeks out from surgery and I still cannot squat or kneel. Going upstairs is still a smidge hard too. I’m anxious for some pain-free movement and good range of motion to become active again. Sounds funny, but since Audrey has been born, the last two and a half years have been spent almost immobile. I’ve had 7 surgeries, broken toes, torn ligaments in my foot and ankle, a miscarriage, heart troubles, and more that I couldn’t even name if I tried! Whew! I’m ready to get moving and shed some extra pounds these immobile years have put on me!
I’ve been using massage therapy to help work out a lot of my back and neck issues. This is getting fairly costly and I think I’ve only scraped the surface of the duration of therapy I need. I’m thinking I’m going to add on a chiropractor to my already long list of doctors. I’ve always shied away from chiropractors because of horror stories I hear. But, lately I’ve had lots of people sharing their success stories and wonder and if should give it a whirl myself. After all, I’ve tried so many other things in pursuit of relief, why not more? I’ve also been doing some reading on aromatherapy, essential oils, and herbs lately to see if there are some alternative, more natural ways of helping myself. I never want to be dependent on medicine. And, I hate taking medicine that, although helping me with my initial symptom, it gives me another uncomfortable side effect to add to my already astronomically long list of issues! I’d like to delve into this world and have my own stash of stuff here at my house. However, this can become rather expensive and I fear I don’t have much spare cash to even get me started!
This month we’ll begin more invasive methods in hopes of conceiving another baby. More significantly, this month will begin our more expensive methods in hopes of conceiving. We are going to begin three months of intra-uterine inseminations. If at the end of those three months we do not get pregnant, we will add injectible fertility medications to the inseminations. It’s a long road we do not go down rather excitedly. We are anxiously waiting to see what God has in store and trust that this road keeps us grateful for what God has specifically designed for our good. It is easy to get discouraged. There is always the temptation to worry. We are tempted to allow our hearts to pine after our own desires instead of being content. I suppose we’ll be called upon to display all the things we said we learned while struggling with conceiving Audrey. I want to prove myself faithful! For those of you out there who may happen to think of us, please pray. I do not ask that you pray for a baby. Pray that we will gratefully embrace whatever God deems best for our family.
Each week, and certainly each month, does get harder in a sense. There are so many unknowns, so many things to factor into our decisions of pursuing either conception or adoptions, and of course, so many unfilled longings that want to muddle up our obedience, thinking, and attitudes. I’ve started having dreams and nightmares about children, pregnancy, conceiving and doctors. I remember when that happened to me after a few years of trying to get pregnant with Audrey. I fight all day to stay focused on what I should and yet even in my sleep my dreams go there! As Audrey gets older, too, she becomes more persistent in asking for a baby brother or sister. Sometimes, she even asks for a baby brother and a baby sister! The other night while I was putting her to bed, reading her Bible with her and praying, she brought up having a baby again. In the middle of her prayer she starts pleading for a baby. And Audrey begins to go on about wanting a baby so that we can bring it home, put it in a crib, kiss it, play with it and have it be in our family. What do I do? I mean, really, what is a mom to do? – Other than just CRYING!?!?!