This has been the most unusual weekend.  There was no way I could've prepared myself  for this.  There is no way to describe it and probably no way I will ever have the opportunity to experience this again.  It's so weird to be a part of such a sad and yet joyful experience.  Another odd thing is that my whole family is doing this together - collectively sharing emotions but also each person examining their hearts very pensively and trying to steal private last moments with Grandpa. Outside of Grandpa's bedroom we play cards, laugh, and catch up on each others' lives.  In the bedroom, there's crying, singing, praying, and talk of God's care and preparation of a home for us in heaven.  It's hard to imagine life without Grandpa, but it's exciting to send him on to a better place and to send off the most deserving man first in order to save and ready a place for all of us!

I suppose what makes my Grandpa most incredible is his relationship with God.  God is so real to him, such a burning passion for Him.  He's lived his life  always trying to tell others about God and always helping others.  He is so keenly aware of God's sovereign hand and God's rich blessing granted to undeserving children.  Grandpa has been an amazing husband to my Grandma and an amazing father to his children.  Last night I was sharing with Grandpa the words of the song I Can Only Imagine by Mercy Me, a song  making conjectures as to what heaven might be like.  So I told Grandpa that I couldn't imagine what heaven was going to be like and I hadn't given it too much thought what I'd do once I got there.  So I asked Grandpa what he had imagined.  I suggested that God might makes his legs strong and that Grandpa would be able to run as he used to do years ago in marathons.  I offered the suggestion that perhaps Grandpa would just sing and sing and sing as he's done in church for years.  Grandpa closed his eyes and got a rather pleasant expression on his face and let out a joyful "Ohhhh!"  So I asked him, " Did you say that because your 'e thinking about what heaven will be like and what you'll do?"  He responded with a hearty, "Oh Yes!"  If only I could have seen the images and thoughts in his head at that moment.  But then again, I had so many tears, I don't suppose I could see clearly. 

MY CRAPPA
My Grandpa is tenderly called by me as "Crappa."  When I was very young, I couldn't pronounce grandpa correctly and this attempt has somehow stuck through the years.  The impact he's had on my life began probably before I was born when he would pray for me.  All my life, my grandparents have prayed for me.  The other night when Grandpa was having a moment of clear thinking I spent some time laying in his bed and talking with him.  I thanked him for taking such a vested interest in my life and for praying for me so often.  He recalled praying for me when I was very young to know Christ and find a godly husband.  Grandpa told me he was so glad that I had such a great husband that took such good care of me.  Can I tell you what that means to me?  Lying there was one of the men I most admire reaffirming to me as he has done numerous times, that I had chosen a godly husband.  I love seeing my family loving my husband and treating my husband as if he were flesh and blood.  So, together we praised God for answering those prayers and we praised God for answering our prayers for a baby.  He spoke of my big belly and was just so grateful to God for His hand in my life.  Grandpa was so joyful for blessings God had given me at a time when he could've been focused on his own condition and pain.  But you see, that's just another awesome thing about my Grandpa. 

This weekend has held some fairly amazing events.  When grandpa seems at his worst, the family gathers around the bed and sings hymns.  Every time, without fail, the coloring changes and his hands go from purple to pink.  Sometimes he's able to sing along and it's so precious.  This afternoon, too weak to open his eyes, he participated in singing Happy Birthday to my brother today.  Of course, it's so sweet to watch my grandparents together.  It brings me to tears every time.  The kissing, snuggling, reaching out for, praying together, and cuddling - who can keep the tears in.  Just moments ago, I snuck in their room and took a picture of the two of them cuddled up in an embrace sound asleep.

Grandma, my hero
My grandma is also more than amazing.   She is my hero.  So many times I have found myself quickly praying the one line, "God, make me just like Grandma."  She is so devoted, so upbeat, encouraging, sweet, positive, giving, and reliant on God.  As a married woman, my heart aches for her.  Grandpa has the hope of an immediate future with God.  With every breath Grandpa takes, Grandma moves closer into a life of what would seem to me as loneliness.  All she has ever really known is how to be with Grandpa.  How scary to be without him.  But she doesn't mope about it, doesn't worry - instead, it's one more chance for her to trust God's sovereign hand.  It just gives her more to talk about with God.  I just wish I could explain her grace and her spirit as she moves about this house.  One moment she's praying, then singing, then helping prepare meals for everyone, cleaning, asking me about my life and how God's working in my life, and then she's off again holding Grandpa, consoling him, patiently trying to get him to swallow a pill and rolling him over in the bed.  And of course, at any time she's ready for some nurse or delivery man or even a hospice chaplain to come in the door so she can witness.  What an amazing woman.